Adam swears he listens to me. And yet he gives me ample proof that he’s not. Then he demands, “You never told me that!” Uh, yes I did!
For instance, last night, I call Adam as I’m entering the store with the kids:
Me: Hi. I’m at Whole Foods. I’m not sure what we’re having for dinner.
Adam: Did you want me to pick something up?
[Me, thinking, yeah, why don’t you stop at Whole Foods and get something.]
And then, there’s the infamous, “I’m not asleep!” I get from him pretty much every night when he, hey! falls asleep in his chair. We (and by “we” I mean “me” because clearly I was the only one awake) are watching BBC World News and it’s talking about the U.S. presidential election. I’m trying to have a conversation with my husband about current events, but his eyes keep shutting (“I’m just resting them!”)
Me: Do you still think John McCain is a little soft in the head?
Adam: Yeah. I heard him speak once in a small crowd and he really rambled a lot.
Me: Who was the wacky admiral who ran for vice president?
Adam: I have no idea who you’re talking aobut.
Me: Did he run with Mondale?
Adam: I highly doubt Geraldine Ferraro was an admiral.
Me: Oh, yeah, right.
As I always do, I called my personal political pundit for clarification on this and a few other issues (in other words, Tweeds, professor extraordinaire in the political sciences). Tweeds gives me the answers I’m looking for (“He ran as Ross Perot’s running mate; England still calls it Burma because they don’t recognize the government that named it that. We don’t either, but we still for some reason call it Myanmar; John McCain is soft in the head.”) and I report back. Of course, by now those resting eyes are deep in REM, despite my husband’s protests to the contrary.
Me: Did you know it was a Republican who named him Senator Hothead. Tweeds told me that one time, he was with his wife in front of reporters and she ran her fingers— [I hear snoring coming from a certain direction]Are you listening to me?
Adam: Yes!
I look at him skeptically. Finally, I ask: What did I just say?
Adam finally opens his eyes. He responds: You said… Um… wait. I had it!
And he wonders why I always end up talking to strangers in the supermarket. It’s because they LISTEN!
