Last weekend, we headed down for NYC for Saturday night to celebrate my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary and my dad’s 69th birthday. Our trips to New York are so brief these days that I don’t get to see old friends or do much of anything that doesn’t revolve around the kids. I’m hoping this summer to take the kids for a good week or so and then I’ll get to call people and get out a bit more.
This time, though, I kept thinking I’d seen people I knew. For example, on the subway with Pie on the way to hang out with Tweeds in Soho, I could have sworn I saw my former boss from my publishing days. She was sitting on the platform, with her trademark gray streaked hair. I was seconds away from saying something to her when it occurred to me that she looked exactly as she looked… eighteen years ago. If I saw her today, there’s no way her gray streaked hair would still be streaked. At this point, it would be entirely gray or solidly not (if she colored it). The woman was in her mid 30s. These days, my former boss would be in her early 50s. I thought I saw a guy I dated briefly in college and two friends from film school. But the people I was seeing were the age they were back then.
I think the issue is, I don’t picture myself as 40. I feel like I’m eternally about 26 or 28 (never 27. Don’t know why, but 27 never enters my thoughts). Forty just doesn’t fit right on me. It’s kind of like the house remodel–I told Adam, “The new house feels like the kind of house a grown-up would live in. I’m not old enough for a grown-up house.”
Growing up, my parents would always say, “Our house, our rules.” When I was 19, I lived in a loft-style apartment in New York near Gramercy Park. My mom came to stay with me. At about 2 a.m., a friend of mine called. My mom was on the couch below and I saw her jump up when the phone rang, with a look on her face like someone was about to get in trouble (no phone calls after 10 p.m. had been the rule). And then suddenly her expression changed as she realized she didn’t have a say any more, and I said, “My house, my rules! Calls are welcome at any hour!” I felt like such a grown-up! I definitely felt more grown-up then than I do now. (For the record, nowadays calls are almost never welcome, at any hour, and certainly never after oh, let’s say, 7 p.m.)
But grown-up I am. Pie loves to check on my hair roots. “Mommy, pull back your hair! I want to see the white!”
I pulled back my hair, but I had had it colored two weeks ago (yes, I have my hair colored). Pie said, “It’s not white!” Then she paused and said, “But it will be!”
Yes. Yes, it will.
