The boy went outside in his socks, no shoes, after being told not to. I told him he could go out in shoes or barefeet, but not in just socks.
A pair of socks coated in mud appeared mysteriously on the front porch.
Me: Are those yours?
The boy: Yes.
Me: After I told you not to?
The boy: I couldn’t help it! Tab and Nevada stole my shoes!
Me: And you couldn’t get your socks off, too?
The boy: No! The took my shoes and then held me in place so I couldn’t get my socks off.
Me: Wait, I don’t understand. They took your shoes off while you were standing?
The boy: No, I was on the ground. But then they stood me up and held me so I couldn’t get my socks off.
Me: Whatever. You owe us $3 from your spend jar for new socks.
Later:
Adam: What’s with that present for me on the front porch?
Me: Present?
Adam: The mud-coated socks.
I tell Adam what the boy did.
Me: I told him he has to pay us $3 for new socks.
The boy: Noooo!
Adam: He shouldn’t have to pay. I’ll just teach him how to do laundry.
Me: No! That’s just cruel and unusual punishment.
Adam: Just because laundry ruined your childhood doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ruin his.
Me: No, no laundry.
The boy: Why’s that?
Me: I’m allergic to laundry.
Adam to the kids: I blame Nana and Peter for your mother being allergic to laundry.
I apologize to whomever ends up marrying either my daughter or son. Neither one will be able to do laundry. I plan on making sure of that.
