Matt Damon called me yesterday. Oh yes he did! He wanted to drive me around on Tuesday. Come pick me up in his fancy limousine, I suppose, and ply me with champagne as we cruise my suburban town. Of course, one look at my Facebook feed and it turns out–the big slut–he’d called most of my friends as well. I was most intrigued how he would get from L.A. to Boston in time to drive me and apparently most of Massachusetts around, but then I figured we’d end up with some bait and switch. It would be like someone making a movie called “The Bourne Legacy” without actually featuring Jason Bourne or even Matt Damon in any role. We’d end up with some no-name, not exactly re-cast, but just spun off. So how can you trust a guy like that? And how cocky? No, “I’m Matt Damon, star of many movies.” Just, “Hi, I’m Matt Damon, and I assume you know exactly who I am,” and f*ck all, if he wasn’t right. And there was no flattery. He went right to the ask. “Vote for Elizabeth Warren and call if you need a ride to the polls!”
But I will say that a call from Matt Damon did clear the phone lines from the two prior ones I had received. The first one was from Massachusetts Pro-Life, which wanted to make sure I voted against Initiative 2, thus guaranteeing, sight unseen that I will be voting for Initiative 2. (And as it turns out, I do support “Death with Dignity,” so thank you Pro Lifers for making me aware of something I might have just glanced over at the polls!)
And then just a few hours before Matt wanted me, the NRA came a callin’. They wanted to bring out the big guns. Literally. Apparently Scott Brown is in favor of semi-automatic weapons for hunting, target practice, and self-defense.
It feels good to be so popular.
Death, guns, and Matt on an easy Saturday afternoon. How do you like them apples?
