In early May:
Pie: I think I want to be a vegetarian to protest the treatment of animals.
Me: That sounds good.
Pie: Tab has been a vegetarian for two years because she loves animals.
Me: I know. She’s the only kid I know who turns down marshmallows on principle. So, what do you want for dinner tonight?
Pie: Chicken.
Me: I thought you were going to be a vegetarian?
Pie: Oh, I meant I’d start in June.
Later in May:
Me: So, you’ll be a vegetarian starting in June?
Pie: Yes, but just for a little bit.
Me: How come?
Pie: Because I’m going to want bacon on my birthday.
June 1, early in the day:
Me: What should we have for dinner?
Pie: Steak!
Me: But it’s June 1. I thought you were going to be a vegetarian.
Pie: Oh, I decided that instead of being a vegetarian, I’d just eat more healthy and try new foods.
June 1, dinner time:
Me: I made a kale salad. I made it with no tomatoes, no onions. It’s just kale and avocado, and you love avocado.
Pie: No, thanks.
Me: I thought you were going to eat healthier and try new things?
Pie: You know I don’t like my vegetables mixed.
Tonight:
Pie: Five Guys is the best. Oh my God, I would die without these hamburgers! But their bacon hamburgers are terrible. They tear up the bacon! Such a terrible way to treat bacon!
This . . . is indescribably awesome. You should submit this somewhere. I am simultaneously laughing hysterically and nodding, nodding — it’s all so very familiar.
Best of luck to Pie on her ever-changing quest. Keep the dream, girl!