the pieces of my life

So normally I'd post all my brilliant and oh-so witty (let me have my delusions–at least until I get some coffee) comments on Twitter, but apparently I can now text posts to Blogger so I thought I'd give you guys minute by minute (sort of) updates of our exciting adventures in Storyland. Of course, you may not hear anything for a bit because the other family we're with isn't moving very fast. I just have to remind myself, not everyone can be a Brown. Although a girl can dream…

I’m doing my best to ignore the shrieks coming from upstairs. The boy has his first sleepover tonight. Tab is here, not sleeping on the Aerobed in Doodles’s room. I’ve gone up six times already and those kids, much as I love them, just aren’t the sharpest crayons in the box. I’ve told them they don’t have to go to sleep. They don’t even have to try to go to sleep. They just have to whisper. That’s it. But I keep hearing thumps and shrieks and squeals and gales of laughter. It’s going to be a very long night.

So this blog has become somewhat of an issue. Throughout the week things happen and I’ll think, “Oh, I’ve go to blog that!” But most of what I want to blog is about the stupidity of others. Really. I have such a low tolerance for stupidity. There was a time when I would have written with glee. When we first moved here and Adam entered business school, oh what fun I made and had with this blog! And make fun I did. Often. And it was fun. And I would often get called on it. I made a few enemies with this blog. And I reveled in that. Because what’s the worst that could happen? I could cripple Adam’s HBS-standing, thereby placing in jeopardy his career possibilities and making him a leper in his colony. No biggie.

But now, now it’s different. I can’t trash the PTO (which in my day was the PTA), mock moms, or make general scathing comments about my local community. Because I have children. I always knew that children would interfere with my drinking life, my writing life, even my sex life. But who knew they’d interfere with my blog life? Because it’s one thing to alienate my husband’s community and make a pariah of him, but it’s another thing with the children. I don’t want them to suffer for my sins. “Oh, you want to have a playdate with Doodles? The one whose mom drinks too many martinis and who called me an anal-retentive Attila the Mom? Sweetie, I have a better idea. Why don’t we have Christopher over instead?”

So I swallow so much. I think that’s what’s making me gain weight. The snarky, biting comments are just festering in the bile of my stomach. But I still think the thoughts. I still daydream of an anonymous blog where I could talk about the cliques and mommy mafias around me. But I refrain.

However, next week, I’ll have another outlet. It’s Adam’s five year HBS reunion. I’ll see if the Corporate Wife training turned out any successful Corporate Wives. I’m sharpening my nails as I type….

Dumb question of the night: Adam just came in and asked, “Are they asleep?”

Um, duh. No. And they probably won’t be for a few hours. Might be time to go up and flex those claws. Get them ready for next week. Grrrrr!

For the past few weeks, my life has been all about unpacking and preparing for Passover. Well, the seders have passed. The house is 97% unpacked. And I was looking forward to finally getting my office all in place and getting back to my writing! I’m jonesing for my computer. Eager to get back to my writing. Last week, Pie didn’t have school on both Wednesday and Friday for Passover. Doodles was out of school on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday because he was sick. Friday no school for him because it was Good Friday.

So this is my week! Except… Adam just reminded me that tomorrow we have to go to close the loan on our house refinance. So I won’t work tomorrow. And he’s leaving town tomorrow night for a couple of nights in NYC for work, so there’s no back up at night. And normally that’s rather fun for me because I can put together a girls’ night in, but with the kids being sick, I can’t count on them to reliably sleep through the night and I don’t want to leave guests for two hours while Pie has night terrors/trouble sleeping. And of course there’s no extra night of sushi ordering, because of Passover. Oh, and Wednesday Pie has no school for the last days of Passover. And Friday is a short day–Pie is only in school from 9 till noon, which means I can either get my office going or I can get a smidgen of writing done.

But the week after… Oh, wait. The week after is spring break. Right. Both kids have the entire week off. And Adam’s company, for all the things they do right, don’t see Patriot’s Day as a holiday.

My to-do list is growing: I have birthday gifts that are well over a month old waiting to be mailed. My office supplies are rustling loosely in a box, waiting for a home. I still don’t have a desk. I have a Torah portion to read at my bat mitzvah in, oh, about a month, and I haven’t even begun to try to decipher the Hebrew never mind the Torah trope. Nothing major, but as a Type-A label-making, superorganized person, the little things not being in their place make me crazy.

Enough whining. Time to go to bed. I’m got a closing to go to tomorrow. At least it’s close to a Container Store. Organized drawers, at the very least, here I come!

I feel so dirty. I mean downright nasty. My mom had all these extra Delta miles that were about to expire. So she called us up an offered us magazine subscriptions. Adam took one to Barron’s. I immediately claimed one to Martha. But then she tried to push more subscriptions on us. “I have to get rid of these!” she said. And that’s when I did it. My nasty deed. I told her to get me People.

My first issue just arrived. And, oh, it was good. So very, very good. Just don’t tell anyone…

As I hear more and more about the decline of the Boston Globe and it’s possible demise, I become increasingly nostalgic for a time I never lived in. How can newspapers be disappearing? How is it the publishing world is in a state of decline?

On one hand, yes, I contribute by reading People magazine, getting my headlines off the NYT app on my iPhone, and watching Real Housewives of New York City. But on the other hand, I still subscribe to the Sunday papers (the Globe and NYT), even if I never get much farther than the Style section and Week in Review (okay, the Style section). And while, yes, I do subscribe to the aforementioned magazine and Real Simple and Running World, I also subscribe to The Sun, Creative Nonfiction, Brain, Child, and One Story. While I do make ample use of my library, I also try to buy books on a semi-regular basis, because I think it’s important to support authors you like.

I always wanted to be Dorothy Parker, but without the suicidal tendencies. To have lived in that era, when writers were glorified and the written word meant something. To be a glamorous, witty writer and sit around drinking martinis with other glamorous witty writers, turning out brilliant News About Town pieces or scathingly funny reviews (“She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B”).

I use my toys more than most–I update Facebook, I tweet, I’m a compulsive e-mail checker, my iPhone entertains me when I’m waiting for my kids, and while I’ve slacked on it lately, I’ve been a blogger since the wee days of blogging–but I really think that the Internet and computers has detracted from the quality of my life. I miss the days of being unconnected. I miss picking up a book because there was nothing on one of the four channels. I miss the feeling of having to hurry to get to a movie because soon it would be gone and that would be it, I’d never get to see it. Once upon a time, I read The New Yorker from front to back. Every week. I’m sad that I don’t even subscribe anymore.

But then things change. Things evolve. Newspapers died even then. Remember “Remember me to Herald Square”? The Herald was sucked up by the Times before I was even born. It’s not always for the worst. I know I’m not alone in nostalgically longing for a simpler time (and even as my life grows bigger, I become more obsessed with those go the voluntary simplicity route). But things change and it’s really not a bad thing.

I think it’s time to restart my subscription to The New Yorker. Right after I finish this week’s People….

Last weekend, we headed down for NYC for Saturday night to celebrate my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary and my dad’s 69th birthday. Our trips to New York are so brief these days that I don’t get to see old friends or do much of anything that doesn’t revolve around the kids. I’m hoping this summer to take the kids for a good week or so and then I’ll get to call people and get out a bit more.

This time, though, I kept thinking I’d seen people I knew. For example, on the subway with Pie on the way to hang out with Tweeds in Soho, I could have sworn I saw my former boss from my publishing days. She was sitting on the platform, with her trademark gray streaked hair. I was seconds away from saying something to her when it occurred to me that she looked exactly as she looked… eighteen years ago. If I saw her today, there’s no way her gray streaked hair would still be streaked. At this point, it would be entirely gray or solidly not (if she colored it). The woman was in her mid 30s. These days, my former boss would be in her early 50s. I thought I saw a guy I dated briefly in college and two friends from film school. But the people I was seeing were the age they were back then.

I think the issue is, I don’t picture myself as 40. I feel like I’m eternally about 26 or 28 (never 27. Don’t know why, but 27 never enters my thoughts). Forty just doesn’t fit right on me. It’s kind of like the house remodel–I told Adam, “The new house feels like the kind of house a grown-up would live in. I’m not old enough for a grown-up house.”

Growing up, my parents would always say, “Our house, our rules.” When I was 19, I lived in a loft-style apartment in New York near Gramercy Park. My mom came to stay with me. At about 2 a.m., a friend of mine called. My mom was on the couch below and I saw her jump up when the phone rang, with a look on her face like someone was about to get in trouble (no phone calls after 10 p.m. had been the rule). And then suddenly her expression changed as she realized she didn’t have a say any more, and I said, “My house, my rules! Calls are welcome at any hour!” I felt like such a grown-up! I definitely felt more grown-up then than I do now. (For the record, nowadays calls are almost never welcome, at any hour, and certainly never after oh, let’s say, 7 p.m.)

But grown-up I am. Pie loves to check on my hair roots. “Mommy, pull back your hair! I want to see the white!”

I pulled back my hair, but I had had it colored two weeks ago (yes, I have my hair colored). Pie said, “It’s not white!” Then she paused and said, “But it will be!”

Yes. Yes, it will.

My life revolves around routines. It’s what keeps me sane and organized. It’s what allows me to bake hamantaschen in time to give to Pie’s teachers, to bake hallah every Friday, to take classes here and there, to volunteer at the kindergarten and synagogue. It’s what keeps me up-to-date on this blog and on my e-mail. It’s what allows me to plan trips to Israel (or New York or Miami). It’s what keeps this house together. But most importantly in my little world it’s what gives me the freedom to be able to write creatively, to work on my novel. Routine gives me my haus frau extraoridinaire status (is mixing German and French cliches the same as mixing my metaphors?).

Can you guess what’s sorely lacking in our lives?

We haven’t had family dinners, I didn’t get to boot camp class, the Purim preparations were nil (at least I did get the boy his Darth Vader costume and I was able to find it used), and I can’t get to evening classes because I’m usually asleep these days by about 9:30 because I’ve spent the days unpacking and running errands at top speed.

We’re slowly getting out from under the boxes but we’re missing some basic pieces of furniture essential for getting things away (I don’t have a desk–my computer is set up on a card table–nor a shelf or file cabinet…; the kids playroom doesn’t have a single piece of storage equipment so it’s toys, toys, toys everywhere!), so those things are lingering in boxes. We have no shades yet so we spend our evenings dodging the many open windows (thank goodness it’s Beetle and her family who lives across the street, and I don’t care if they see us all in our PJs). My running has fallen by the wayside–I basically took two weeks off–figured my body could use a break–but man is it hard to get back to that routine! My first run after two weeks and it was like I hadn’t run in years. I barely made it four miles and I was sore the next day.

But that’s going to change. It’s time to reintroduce the routines! The Nana is here to help out–we’ll be hanging artwork, figuring out where to put what, meeting with someone to choose some window coverings, and perhaps even squeeze in a trip to Ikea or the Container Store. The weather is improving just enough that I can no longer use it as an excuse not to run (although I can always use daylight savings, as running in the dark at 6:30 is a total downer). And I’m going to get this office set ASAP so starting next week, when the kids are in school, I can get my writing routine back. I promise (well, I strongly intend) not to desert this blog again for such a long time, as it’s as hard getting back on the blog as it is to get back into those running shoes.

Starting now, it’ll be business as usual again. Now to catch up on that backlog of e-mails….

I started to include this in my previous post, but I decided that Bruce deserves a post of his own. I’m sitting here rocking out to one of the idols of my youth as my five-year-younger husband shakes his head because he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get it! How can you not get Bruce? What is to become of this younger generation?

Bruce may not be the stud of my teen years anymore, but he is seriously rocking the Super Bowl out. Give an old guy credit–he’s not doing any lip-syncing tonight. My only complaint about tonight’s performance is it was way too short.

In 1984, I lied to my parents (just that once, I swear! I would never lie to my parents! Really. That D in chemistry must be a mistake! And of course I didn’t miss curfew. Smell? What smell? I don’t smell anything sweet!). I told them I was spending the night at Eva’s house. Eva told her mom she was spending the night at mine. Instead, we camped out at Vibrations record store at 163rd Street, getting there at about 8 p.m. and tickets for the “Born in the USA” tour were going on sale at in the morning. In those days there were no sophisticated numbering systems–it was first come first serve, so those waiting would write out numbers on scraps of paper and give them to people, so we didn’t have to stay in the same spot all night. I was number 79; Eva was 78.

The night was a party scene. Lots of drunk people (and in all seriousness, not us). People dozing on and off. Lots of runs for Burger King. Most of us had our Walkmans and we were trading tapes (yes, tapes). One of the guys in line took a shine to me, and at some point, traded my number 79 for his number 7. I remember his buddies yelling at him, but who was I to argue? I got two tickets, fairly far up in the Orange Bowl; Eva got two pretty far back. I’m pretty sure when my parents asked how I’d gotten the tickets (because I’d obviously done it in person as I didn’t have a credit card to use on the phone and it was on the news how fast the concert sold out), I ‘fessed up pretty quickly. I believe the consequence of my indiscretion was I had to take my sister to the concert. Eva had to take hers, too. We sat up front. They got the crappy seats. (Sorry, Tweeds, for just ditching you at the concert.)

I had a poster of Bruce over my bed. “Born to Run” was an anthem, something we blasted while driving up Collins Ave or Biscayne Boulevard. One of my high school boyfriends was always befuddled that I couldn’t remember the battles of the American Revolution for A.P. American History, but I could sing “Blinded by the Light” forward and backward (still can!).

Of course, I had other phases. I was waaay into Pink Floyd for a while. Rush. The Who (I saw them on their first final tour!). Genesis. The Clash. Toward the end of high school, I definitely segued into New Wave, with Depeche Mode and Yaz topping the list.

Quick digression: Anyone else see that ad for Race to Witch Mountain. I said to Adam, “I’m horrified that they’ve remade Witch Mountain?” and he said, “What? What’s Witch Mountain?” Aaaaaggggggg!!!

Okay, back to the music. Actually, I only have one more thing to say: Bruce. Bruce! Buh-rrrruuuuuucccccceee!

Because tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.

I’d like to start tonight with a scene from Stop N Shop this afternoon. My three-year-old daughter is sitting in the cart. We’re shopping.

Pie: Mommy! Can I get more yogurt?
Me: Sure. Would you like grown-up yogurt or kid yogurt?
Pie: Um, grown-up yogurt.
Me: Okay, would you like strawberry or blueberry or peach?
Pie: I want the brown yogurt.
Me [I pick up the chocolate yogurt and check out the 37 grams of sugar]: No, sweetie, not the brown yogurt.
Pie: I WANT THE BROWN YOGURT!
Me [trying to distract]: How about a kid yogurt? I see Dora and Diego over there.
Pie’s eyes widen.
Pie: Hannah Montana! I want Hannah Montana yogurt! Please, Mommy, can I have Hannah Montana yogurt?

So, yes, my daughter is the proud owner of six (wait, she ate one already so make that five) Hannah Montana yogurts. I still don’t know how she knows Hannah Montana.

All of that, by the way, is completely irrelevant to this evening’s post. I had intended to write more about the Miami trip, but as the skies are clouding up and the air has that unmistakable smell of snow storm (what is that smell anyway? How is it you really can smell a storm coming in?), Miami seems years and years ago and I can only vaguely conjure up the peace of daily ice creams, on-call babysitters, sunshine on the boat, and the camaraderie of old friends.

Instead I am faced with a new year, but the same old me. Every year I make resolutions, and last year, I failed miserably on most, but made progress on a few. Not that I’d tell you all the resolutions, but I can name a few…

• More kid time: This one is going fairly well. I try to make time each day with each kid to spend one-on-one with. It’s harder with the school schedule–I definitely get more one-on-one time with Pie, but I’ve been working on it with Doodles, trying to read more with him, have him read to me, work on his writing. But I definitely get more time reading Eloise, playing Candyland Castle, or baking hallah with Pie. I need to make more of an effort on this.
• Get to and stay at 133 lbs: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! ‘Nuff said.
• Go greener: This was my most successful resolution. I kept bags in my car and cut our bag usage down by probably about 75%. I was disappointed that our remodel wouldn’t allow for solar panels (we had the house evaluated and were told we don’t get enough sun for solar), but I did convert both our house and the apartment to wind energy. Slowly converting our light bulbs over. Buying energy efficient appliances for the “new” house. Trying to teach the kids about conserving (“No, Pie, you don’t need a new sheet of paper–just use the back of this!” Which works about as well as you’d think it would). I freecycled an incredibly amount of stuff when we cleaned out the house–I was shocked at some of the stuff people wanted: half used tubes of joint compound, the paint samples we had from when we painted our house years ago, Adam’s old economic textbooks, car window tinting, a bag filled with odds and ends of paper. The only thing I couldn’t get rid of was a box of Barney VHS tapes.
• Close e-mail and the Web more: Um, this was the year of Facebook and Twitter. So obviously, a big fat X here.
• Run a four-hour marathon: Hey, I’m happy enough with 4:13:36.

This year, I’m keeping the same resolutions here and adding a few more. Again, many aren’t for public consumption, but a few additions this year are:

• Read 26 books this year: I know 52 is the logical number here, but hey, that is so not going to happen.
• Take advantage of the teachable moments: Too many times I let the great opportunities with the kids pass by, because we’re in the car, I’m cooking dinner, or because I’ve just been bombarded with questions for the previous twelve hours.
• Set a writing schedule: Because I did promise all of you I’d complete the first draft of my novel.

Is that all my resolutions? No. Not even all my public ones. But once again, I can hear the Pie from the other room, so I’m going to tend to my daughter. I’m still adding to the resolutions list, so any that anyone wants to pass on, feel free!

The problem with keeping a blog is there’s this feeling of obligation to post something significant on the last day of the year. To do some sort of witty, or at the least, poignant, wrap up of the previous year. To ponder on what the coming year will bring.

You know that’s not going to happen, right? Even if I wasn’t still wrapping presents and getting dressed and trying to wrangle children to get to our New Year’s Eve party, I still wouldn’t have anything to say. Because 2008, as lovely as it was, was just another year in a long line of years (I hope).

The most and the least I can say is that 2008 was the year of Facebook and Twitter for me. Hockey and kindergarten for Doodles. Ballet and potty training for Pie. And Adam–well, he’s still here, so that’s something. We had marathons and house tear downs and a week in Vermont. We had trips to New York and lots of martinis. We turned 40 and 36 and 5 and 3. It was a year. Different from the others. But not so much.

And 2009, well, it’ll be 2009. I’m looking forward to more marathons and a trip to Israel. Moving back to our house. And who knows what else it’ll bring.

Happy New Year everyone. I’ll see you in 2009.

The apartment no longer smells of bologna, because the stink of burnt sugar has overridden it. And I don’t mean the yummy smell of caramelized sugar; I mean the stench of sugar that smoked up and snuck into every nook and cranny. That smell of burnt sugar. Note to self: don’t leave check Facebook while toffee syrup is cooking.

To continue with New York trip #1: A quick note about Thanksgiving: Everything, and I mean everything, was open, it seemed. Whole Foods? Open. Gristede’s? Open. The bagel store? Open. The liquor store? Open. To me, half the fun of Thanksgiving is realizing you’ve forgotten some important ingredient and having to make some sort of odd substitution in a panic-stricken way. It loses some of the magic when you can pop down to the local market and pick up that bag of cranberries or the bottle of bourbon (neither of which I forgot–my bourbon-spiked sweet potatoes, by the way, were fabulous, if I do say so myself).

On both Friday and Saturday night, Adam and I were able to escape sans kids. One lovely dinner at AOC. Another lovely dinner at Le Zie. A movie. A real movie. With no cartoon characters or people singing in high-pitched voices (Slumdog Millionaire, which was amazing!).

Saturday was even better because while Adam and my father took Doodles to the Museum of Natural History and my mom to Pie to the Central Park Zoo, I had sushi and beer with the Tweedle Twirp. Happiness all around! Of course, Pie being Pie, my mother reported that they took the subway up to the zoo. The zoo is three blocks from the subway stop. But upon exiting the subway, Pie announced, “I can’t walk. I’m too tired.”

Now, any self-respecting parent–as my mother was at one time–knows that the proper response to this is, “Well, if you’re that tired, we’ll turn around and go back to the apartment.” It is not, as my mother said, “Taxi!” Yes, my diva daughter got her Nana to spring for a taxi to go the entire three blocks from the subway to the zoo. And I wonder why she has such princess tendencies.

The trip was a success and the ride back was almost tolerable, except for Pie shouting for the last hour, “I want to get out of my seat RIGHT NOW!” and Adam’s shortcut that took us an extra hour. The highlight was Pie taking her bag of carrots and her water bottle and chucking them across the car. That girl might have a future as a ball player… as long as it doesn’t mess up her nails, of course (nails painted by Nana, colors chosen by Pie: black on the left foot, red on the right).

The following weekend I returned to New York with three girlfriends, Beetle; Jasmine’s mother who needs a name of her own, but of course, like all princesses, Jasmine doesn’t have a living mother (quick–name a Disney princess with a mother!); and a third friend who we met up there, A.

As enjoyable as the first trip was, this was a whole new experience. We weren’t sure which subway to take. Doesn’t matter! Just hop on! No one needs a snack or a bathroom or is whining, “When will we get there?” We’ll figure it out as we go. At every meal–every meal!!!–no one insisted on eating off my plate. No one used an outdoor voice in the restaurant. No one said, “I’m tiiiired. Can we go home yet? How much longer?”

We had sushi at 11 p.m. Music and beer at National Underground. An incredible nine-mile run with Beetle around the tip of Manhattan (we saw Chelsea Piers, Ground Zero, the Statue of Liberty, Battery Park, South Street Seaport–really nice). Breakfast at noon at Markt. A bit of shopping. Some cookies. An amazing Broadway show. And a midnight dinner at Le Zie again for me. Breakfast on Sunday at City Bakery, and back and back again, lickety split. The ride back was fast, despite bad weather. Relaxation. Grown-up time. Fun. And then… home.

And now? Bye bye relaxation. Bye bye grown-up time. Bye bye fun. Now it’s back to holiday shopping, baking, gift wrapping, child wrangling, house remodeling, tiny apartments, smelly bedrooms, bathrooms in need of cleaning, laundry machines that are always in use by the neighbors, yadda yadda yadda.

I’m going to make (read: reheat Whole Foods’) dinner. I wish you all a happy yadda yadda yadda.